Motherhood

Photo by Mat Hayward/Woodland Park Zoo

My mom forwarded me an article about the baby lion cubs born last November at the Woodland Park Zoo. 

I want to hang this picture on my kids' walls and send them through life with this visual representation of my love for them. 

I saw this going differently in my head.

Merry Christmas from the Tottens!

Monkeys

So Gabe had these monkey pj's when he was around 1.  I liked them, so I bought another pair in a bigger size.  Now Abby fits into the original pair, and I have monkeys running loose in the house!

In the Picture

Sometimes I think it would just be easier if my posts were just links to other people's posts where they wrote something I agree with.  Here's one:

Allison Tate: The Mom Stays in the Picture

And then, in my post, I could just repeat the phrases from the article that resounded with me when I was reading it.  So it would be like we were reading it together and I was mm-hmm'ing' and oh, totally'ing and ohmygoodness that's so me'ing it while we read.

Like this:

"...I showed up...a bit late and, as usual, slightly askew from trying to dress myself and all my little people....  I felt awkward and tired and rumpled."  (ohmygoodness that's so me)

"When I see myself in pictures, it makes me wince."  (mm-hmm)

"...don't always have time to blow dry our hair, apply make-up, perhaps even bathe..." (oh, totally)

"People, including my children, don't see the way I make sure my kids' favorite stuffed animals are on their beds at night.  They don't know how I walk the grocery store aisles looking for treats that will thrill them for a special day."   (...actually, no need to keep typing, I would be quoting that whole paragraph!) 


This whole article made me sad and wistful.  The thing is, I'm the predominant picture-taker in the family.  I want pictures to remember these years by, pictures to post on the blog (ok peanut gallery, keep your comments about how I haven't been posting that often to yourself please), pictures for the calendars I've been making for the past few years for grandparents.  I want to be in the pictures too, but it feels somehow arrogant to ask someone else to take pictures so I can be in them.  ...Arrogant isn't really the right word; I can't really describe it.  What I want is to not have to be posed, to not feel like I'm putting the responsibility or burden of picture taking on someone else, but ultimately - what I want is for someone else to capture the picture the way I am seeing it, while allowing me to be in it - and oh yeah, make me look good in it too.  ha!


But the end of the article shifts the perspective to the pictures we have of our mothers.  And even though my mom also critiques her appearance in pictures, I only see that it is my mom.  I could care less how she looks in terms of hair/makeup/weight - she is just herself and I am far more interested in who she was and the story behind the picture. 

I see the one of her and my dad in some sort of tram, taken over the heads of a couple of boys (one of whom is my brother) while a baby (me) is being handed off from my dad to my mom.  It reminds me of a few months ago in July, when we went to Snoqualmie to the Day Out with Thomas event, and Gabe was so anxious to see Thomas that he said "I just want to see Thomas" every 15 seconds for the entire 25 minutes we were in line.  (you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not) 

And while Gabe was excited to see Thomas, we were excited to give him that experience:  to see his face light up when the train started moving, to get him his very own engineer's hat, to take our picture in front of the Thomas engine, to put pennies on the track for Thomas to flatten when he took the next group for their ride.  We don't normally do the "hoards of crowds" thing, so we were also quite proud of ourselves for braving the craziness on a Saturday because we knew Gabe would love it. 

So, I wonder...was the tram outing also a mini-triumph for my parents, getting two young kids out of the house after sorting out timing and naps and snacks for the day, etc?  Was my mom running on her umpteenth consecutive night of 6 hours of broken up sleep?  Before the picture was snapped, had my parents exchanged a look of exasperation that the baby was antsy and didn't want to stay put and had to keep being handed back and forth between parents?  In the picture, my parents are looking at something to the side of the picture taker - my dad in mid-sentence and my mom smiling.  She looks happy.  And I think about how even though the Thomas event was a bit stressful, and we had to wait in that line with a hungry baby and a curious toddler, and it was hot and crowded, I was so happy that we did that for Gabe, and so happy to have my husband and children.  That's what Gabe will see in this picture...not the things I start picking apart about my appearance.



After Abby was born, a photographer came around at the hospital and offered a free newborn photo session (I should have known that the catch was crazy expensive prices for the prints, and that I wouldn't be able to say no to buying them...ah well).  One of the pictures taken embodies for me the sentiments of the article:

I HATE how I look in that picture.  Hate that I had just showered and my hair was wet and stringy, hate my profile, hate my double chin, hate my pale freckly face.  But I LOVE this picture overall.  It looks like I am whispering in Abby's ear.  And she looks like she is listening intently.  For me, this picture is a mother's connection with her daughter, whispering wisdom in her ear - wisdom I don't fully have yet but is mine passed down from generations before and to be discovered as I continue to grow and learn as a mom - wisdom I hope to be able to whisper in her ear and model through my actions and teach through my words for the rest of her life.

So in the spirit of the article, I'm posting this picture that I HATE of me but LOVE of us, and I am inspired to be pesky and hand the camera off more often, asking at least to be in the picture - even if the photographer doesn't have a magic wand to always make me look good in it too!

Well, here's the thing:

...Gabe and Abby won't both fit on the car, plus Abby was too busy giving her dolly a ride to share with Gabe.  Also, the one really good picture I got of Bret playing "Up Sky" with Abby is blurry, and Bret looks extra strange because he was giving Abby the super-special sound effect treatment since she can't do as many tips and turns because she's still little.

But here you go; pictures of Abby:

Now, Janey - go start a blog so I can bug you about updating it and critique your posts! (and don't even try to tell me you're too busy with school...)

10 Months

Abby turned ten months old on Saturday!  Hard to believe she's almost a year old; the time has flown by and crawled by at the same time (confusing but it makes sense to me). 

At ten months Abby:

- loves to play peek-a-boo! When she sees a burp rag or her blankie she gets excited and puts it on her head like she's trying to cover herself.  Then she'll let it stay there for a good 5 seconds before pulling it off so you can say 'peek-a-boo!' and then she'll do it again (and again, and again, and again!)
- LOVES her Daddy (this sounds familiar)! 
- Loves Gabe and usually wants to be where he is, playing with whatever he's playing with.  I tell Gabe that she gets into his stuff because she thinks he's so cool, but somehow that doesn't mollify him.
- (oh yeah, she loves me too, if her following me around the house and wanting to be held all the time is any indication.  Somehow it seems a little egotistical to put that my child thinks I'm wonderful at the start of the list - but then again, what is a blog if not an exercise in egotism?  Next time I think I will list myself first!)
- only has five teeth, yet has been teething for 6 months (awesome).
- is definite about what she wants/likes/doesn't like. 
- usually prefers to eat finger foods by herself rather than eat baby food from a spoon (although tonight for the first time in a long while she ate an entire pouch of chicken/pasta/veggie baby food that she let me feed to her...I was amazed!)
- will wriggle and wiggle to turn herself around in your arms so she can look out at the world or get down and get moving.  Or - she'll push herself away from you in your arms so she can play with your nose, or mouth, or hair, or necklace.  She's cuddly when she's tired, but otherwise prefers to be on the go.

Overall Abby is a spunky baby who is either being adorable or making me want to pull my hair out - sometimes at the same time (again, confusing but it makes sense to me)!

Oh, what's that?

Did you just say you'd like to see 16 pictures of Abby playing with a toy drum?

What a coincidence!  I just happened to have 16 pictures of Abby playing with a toy drum!

Seriously, what are the chances of this sort of coincidence happening??  WOW!

Easter Weekend

Saturday we went over to my folks' for lunch and an Easter Egg Hunt (capitalizing it makes it sound so official - but it was actually 7 adults watching Gabe look for eggs and giving him advice:  "Look up!  Look in the plant!  Look by the tree!" and me yelling at people to get their legs outta my picture because they were ruining my shot.  Honestly it's like I think I'm some sort of photo journalist the way I run around manically trying to capture the moment.  But I'm pretty sure that looking through all these pictures will keep me entertained in my twilight years, so that's what everyone needs to remember...me telling you that you're ruining my picture today is actually buying you some peace and quiet when I'm looking at those pictures in future tomorrows.  ["future tomorrows"?  does that even make sense?])

And now for a few of those pictures:



My dad and Gabe watched a bit of the Masters and shared some
commentary between them of the action. 





(Really, Christina?  Even for a holy day like Easter - God's
day, no less - you can't give me a normal expression??)



(...guess not).

Incidentally, see that haze over the bottom half of the picture that adds character and mood to the photo?  Are you just so impressed right now with my photography skills?  Are you thinking about commenting on this post and asking me for some tips on taking photos?  Are you wondering to yourself why I don't start a section of this blog soley related to photography tips, like every other "mommy-blogger" out there who has bought herself a DSLR camera?
Well I will save you the trouble of having to ask me:  it was windy and my hair blew in front of the lens.
I'm pretty sure I'm about to quit my job and start a photography business.





I realized later that I didn't take a single picture of my mom that day.  But I did take a picture of the sad little group of eggs we dyed; strange.


 I hadn't planned to dye eggs this year because I thought Gabe might not be very interested in it.  But then I was the grocery store and saw an egg dying kit for 99 cents - right next to kits for $5...FIVE BUCKS! - so I went ahead and got it.  Two eggs into the process, Gabe wanted to go back outside.  (patting self on back for buying the cheap kit)

Abby's dress was cute AND tasty.

(Gabe - are those your legs in my picture frame??  Uh-oh kiddo...guess who just lost himself a day off senile-Mommy duty when I'm 85...)

Laura, Scott, legs?  LEGS!!



This is one of my favorite pictures taken from the day - Gabe was so animated
when he would discover an egg!





On Easter Sunday we did round two of egg hunting.



Gabe was delighted with the discovery on Saturday that he
not only got to play the game of searching for eggs, but that
they had stickers and candy inside.  By Sunday he was shaking
them when he found them, confirming that there was loot inside.
Oh how quickly they learn!



We got a hand-me-down sleeper from a friend that makes Abby look like an Easter Egg.  perfect!

Looking awfully protective of her treasure

This one is from the week after Easter...but since there's no telling when I
might do another post, I figured I'd add it here!

Making Abby Laugh

These are just three of the 3,000,000 pictures I have of Bret making Abby laugh.

...and how many pictures do I have of me making Abby laugh, you ask?

That one. 

Ok, dramatic license.  I really do have more than just that one.  But that's one of the few that I halfway like of me and even in this one you can see my weird new hair growth coming in at my temples which is a result of the post-pregnancy hair mass-exodus that just now seems to be slowing down. 

And I just noticed that my thinning hair look matches Abby's.  Nice.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happier Food Critic

...but fortunately sweet potatoes:

and carrots:

ARE fabulous!

Food Critic

Rice cereal:  apparently not so fabulous.

Because Bret told me last week that...

...he was having a bad day at work and checked our blog to look at pictures, but was disappointed that I hadn't posted anything new in a month.

So Babe, this post is for you:



Gabe showing off one of his "houses"

Our smiley 4 month old, growing up so fast!



Long-arm shot from Christmas Day.  I like this one
because the shirt you got me brings out my eyes.
Good job on the Christmas shopping!



But I think I like this one better because:
a) my head doesn't look so huge, and
b) you have a snowflake coming out of your head



Gabe diggin' his new Cars t-shirt. 



Damage to the roof after the New Year's Day windstorm, which you spent your holiday off work fixing.


So there you go...next time you have a bad day and come here looking for a boost to your spirits, remember that you have:

- an endlessly entertaining toddler who thinks you're the coolest thing ever

- a wife who laughs at your jokes (usually), doesn't mind losing ping pong games to you (sort of), and who thinks you're the bees knees (always!)

- an adorable baby girl who one day soon will consistently sleep through the night and stop spitting up (right????)

...and that you are the kind of guy who can fix his own roof after a windstorm.  Shazam!

Love you babe!

Mr. Gabe Head and Mrs. Abby Head

"No mas!"  When I first heard this Gabe-ism, my first thought was whether we'd watched any children's shows lately that taught Spanish.  I kept trying to figure out if the context of the situation made sense for him to be telling me "no more"...then I finally figured out that he was talking about his Mr. Potato Head's mustache.

Of course.  "No mas" = mustache

Don't know why I didn't catch that faster.  (???)

Gabe's favorite thing to do with his Mr. Potato Head ("Ho head" or "Ho-ho head") is to put the pieces on his own head.  This is a favorite look of Mr. Gabe Head's:

This morning while I was doing my hair, I had Abby in her seat in the bathroom doorway and Gabe was playing back and forth between his room and the hall.  At one point I looked down and saw this*:

Hilarious.

*this picture is a re-creation.  By the time I ran downstairs to get my phone to take a picture to send to Bret, Abby had de-mustached herself.  I tried to get Gabe to put it back on, but he had moved on to putting Mr. Potato Head's arm into the slot for his hat.  So, I had to try to capture Gabe's artistic flair on my own.  I have to say that I don't think I did it justice.

Animal Instinct

The first time I held Abigail, I had an overwhelming urge to put my nose on her face.  Specifically, to touch my nose to her nose.



yeah, I'll just let that sink in a minute.



...I don't recall being conscious of the urge at the time; it was only hours later that I realized as I held her, I kept putting my nose on her face.  Looking at her, studying her, and then touching my nose to her.  Not smelling her, but just touching her.  

She's almost two and half months old and I still find myself doing this.  And I don't think I can fully describe the need that's behind it.  It's instinctive, it's basic, and usually I find myself thinking "weird, I just did it again!" because it's not something that happens with forethought.

Is it just me?  Is it just Abby?  I don't recall doing this when Gabe was a baby...although now we do Eskimo Kisses (i.e. rub noses) as part of bedtime routine hugs and kisses goodnight, so maybe I did do it with Gabe and I just never noticed it or thought it was unusual.

Oh My Goodness - have I nosed YOUR baby while holding it??  How far does this strangeness go?

And if I never did it with Gabe or with other random babies, why now with Abby? 

I have wondered if it is my subconscious way of connecting with her and reiterating:  "you are mine". 

I have wondered if it's because Abby looks so different from Gabe (dark rather than fair).  In fact, when they placed her on my stomach, my first thought was "wait a second - I don't have dark-haired babies".  Even though we said all through the pregnancy that she would probably take after Bret because Gabe took after me, my first reaction upon seeing her was surprise because Gabe and his coloring had set the standard for "how my babies look".

I have wondered if I'm just really, really odd.

I have wondered how many times I've done this while in public and whether anyone was watching and thinking "Did she just NOSE her baby?!?".  And then I have decided that I don't care, and that it probably gave them a good laugh. 

I have wondered when (if?) I'll ever stop.

C'mon...tell me you don't want to put your nose on that face!



October Fest-ivities

...we made our now traditional family trip to the Corn Maze:


Our fearless leader!



Gabe has no time for a family picture, he's seen the exit!



These two are so cute I can hardly stand it!

Don't we all look strangely happy about getting lost in a bunch of corn?



The farm we went to also had a Trike Track with various John Deere trikes and bikes for the "kids" to ride on.


...and this year we got our pumpkins from Grandma and Grandpa's pumpkin farm!  My parents put a pumpkin patch in their lower backyard and got something like 20 pumpkins from it! 

Searching for the perfect pumpkin



Found it!




Gabe picking out Bret's pumpkin - doesn't it look like he's laughing because "Daddy's pumpkin is smaller than mine!" ?



We picked the white pumpkins for mine & Abby's


...and for Halloween, Gabe was a very unhappy elephant.  He did NOT want to wear his costume and whined the whole time I was getting him dressed and ready to go trick-or-treating with Bret.  Abby and I stayed home to pass out candy, and I was attempting to get a few pictures of her in her ballerina skirt when she decided to have a major diaper blowout all over herself and me.  Talk about an eventful evening! 



This is from the day we bought the costume and were trying it on to make sure it fit.  Gabe had the most dramatic slumped over posed the whole time I was trying to get a picture...apparently the idea of having to dress up to get candy is very emotionally taxing for a toddler.



But, of course, once he was back home in his sweats and looking at a pile of candy, all was once again right with the world!

Abby in her skirt when I bought it - didn't get any good pictures on  Halloween.