Animal Instinct

The first time I held Abigail, I had an overwhelming urge to put my nose on her face.  Specifically, to touch my nose to her nose.



yeah, I'll just let that sink in a minute.



...I don't recall being conscious of the urge at the time; it was only hours later that I realized as I held her, I kept putting my nose on her face.  Looking at her, studying her, and then touching my nose to her.  Not smelling her, but just touching her.  

She's almost two and half months old and I still find myself doing this.  And I don't think I can fully describe the need that's behind it.  It's instinctive, it's basic, and usually I find myself thinking "weird, I just did it again!" because it's not something that happens with forethought.

Is it just me?  Is it just Abby?  I don't recall doing this when Gabe was a baby...although now we do Eskimo Kisses (i.e. rub noses) as part of bedtime routine hugs and kisses goodnight, so maybe I did do it with Gabe and I just never noticed it or thought it was unusual.

Oh My Goodness - have I nosed YOUR baby while holding it??  How far does this strangeness go?

And if I never did it with Gabe or with other random babies, why now with Abby? 

I have wondered if it is my subconscious way of connecting with her and reiterating:  "you are mine". 

I have wondered if it's because Abby looks so different from Gabe (dark rather than fair).  In fact, when they placed her on my stomach, my first thought was "wait a second - I don't have dark-haired babies".  Even though we said all through the pregnancy that she would probably take after Bret because Gabe took after me, my first reaction upon seeing her was surprise because Gabe and his coloring had set the standard for "how my babies look".

I have wondered if I'm just really, really odd.

I have wondered how many times I've done this while in public and whether anyone was watching and thinking "Did she just NOSE her baby?!?".  And then I have decided that I don't care, and that it probably gave them a good laugh. 

I have wondered when (if?) I'll ever stop.

C'mon...tell me you don't want to put your nose on that face!