Dear Gabriel

Dear Gabriel:

I need your advice! When is the best time to poop and/or spit up?

Thanks,

Timing Confused in Las Vegas


Hey Confused in Las Vegas!

Thanks for writing in! I think your question and confusion is shared by many babies worldwide, and I think there's been a lot of different and mis-leading direction in years past. Previously, Miss Manners or Dear Abby would have probably told you that the appropriate time to poop is just before your next meal, so your parents can give you a fresh diaper that will last through your meal and your nap afterwards. I completely disagree! Your parents will change your diaper before you eat so that you have a fresh and clean diaper for maximum meal enjoyment, which is great. However, I like to then poop in the middle of or just before the end of my meal so that my mom & dad are required to change my diaper again before my nap or my post-meal playtime. This shows my parents that I'm now in charge of their schedules, which I sure don't want them to forget any time soon!

As for the spitting up...the perfect time to spit up is whenever your parents have provided you with a clean burp rag because they think you're not going to spit up anymore. Again, this is a training technique to keep your parents aware that you are now the center of their universe.

Finally, my general advice on this topic is that if you're in doubt about whether it's a good time to poop and/or spit up, then just go ahead and do it. The result can only be attention, which is always a great thing!

Happy biological functioning!


- Gabriel