Being a Normal, a.k.a. Cheryl Maritorious

This morning I was contemplating (ok, actually I was 'feeling bothered by', not just 'contemplating') how terribly average I am. While doing some research on cameras online, I read recent posts on a few blogs I like to keep up with, and this is when I started comparing my average life to the oh-so-interesting lives of others in the world.

In the summer of 2004, before Bret and I started dating but after I had become quite interested in him (I don't know if italics stresses the word "quite" enough here...imagine the sort of interest where it literally seems like the person garnering your attention has a spotlight on them and anyone else in the room is somewhat fuzzy and out of focus - the sort of interest where you might be talking to someone else in the group, but the sound of that certain person's voice from another conversation he's having has your attention as well, and you might be in the middle of a sentence and then you say a word or finish your sentence completely out of context, because what you said actually tied into his conversation, not yours...and the worst part is, you don't actually know it, because you weren't listening to yourself, you were listening to him, and your only clue that something is out of place is the strange look you're getting from the person who thought you were talking to them (silly person - I may LOOK like I'm talking to you, but you need to understand that HE is in the same room with you, and therefore, unfortunately, I am focused on him. and sadly, let's be honest, even if HE wasn't here, I'd still be thinking about him, and so I probably wouldn't have been worth much in our conversation anyway!)... I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who talked to or attempted to talk to me between May 2004 and October 2004; the months when my attention was increasingly distracted by Bret, pre-dating. Further, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who tried to talk to me about anything other than me between November 2004 and ....hmm....let's say June 2005, the months when I was 100% wrapped up in the newness of dating Bret (after June it dropped down to at least 95%). Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who wanted to talk about something besides my wedding plans & the execution thereof between March 2007 and August 2007. WAIT! I should also apologize to anyone it may concern for conversations to date and future conversations that you may not have wanted to have forced upon you about my thoughts on the adorable-ness of Bret as the father of my child(ren). Wow. One wonders if I should re-title this post "an ode to Bret". But really, that aside was more about my focus on him, so "I think Bret is snazzy" would probably be a more appropriate title. Now, what was I saying??)

So, before we were dating, but after I had identified a casual (HA!) inclination toward him, we were chatting one evening at Paul & Mandy's after bible study had ended and folks were milling about, socializing. I don't remember the exact substance of the conversation, but I do remember when Bret said "...that's because you're a Normal". The reason I don't remember the exact substance of the conversation is because this is what was going on in my head while we were talking: He's talking to me, I'm talking to him, WE are having a CONVERSATION! We, us, him and I, together, talking together. To each other. No one else is involved. Just me carrying on a conversation with him, which I assume makes sense because he's not giving me any strange looks. He's so interesting! Very grounded. Really honest about himself and his thoughts/opinions. And humble! (fade out thoughts to put conversation first for a while, thoughts in the background, until...) Wow. I really like his laugh. And that smile! And those teeth! I am such a sucker for nice teeth and a good smile. I think I might start hyperventilating and giggling. Holy cow, am I 13?? This is ridiculous. He's talking to you too, and not leaving to talk to someone else, so just calm down, pay attention to the conversation, and stop getting distracted by the fact that you like him so much!

Umm...what was I saying earlier about this post being re-named?

Ok, so the POINT is that Bret called me a Normal. And I was really bothered by this, because it sounded like a bad thing, and the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was...cringe...normal. No! Think I'm interesting! Think I'm fascinating! Think I have a spotlight on me and everyone else is fuzzy!

And that conversation came back to me this morning when I was feeling bothered about how average I am. I found out later that Bret didn't mean "Normal" as a bad thing, necessarily...he meant that I had played life by the rules, stayed in the mainstream, and that where I had ended up was a reflection of that. And that had both positive and negative aspects. He never considered himself a "Normal", and where he ended up in life reflected that as well, again with positive and negative aspects. And people often see many of the positive aspects of the other way of being as better than the positive aspects of how you are; e.g. a "Normal" like me sees the path of least resistance that I've often chosen (college right out of high school, 40 hr a week corporate America job right out of college) as really boring compared to non-Normals that take risks, don't play it safe, and don't follow the herd.

Here's the thing that I'm thinking about now, though, at the end of the day: when I compare my average life to other lives, that's when I'm more likely to feel discontent. And sometimes that can be a catalyst to get out of a rut, which is a good thing. But mostly, I think I'm probably the kind of person who's okay with being a "Normal". If I wanted risks, etc, I would probably have made choices in my life that would reflect that. But really, I like stability, I like safety, and mostly if I take a risk there's some sort of safety net involved. So I started off the day discontented with being average, and I'm sure will feel that way again many many times in the future, but I'm ending the day at peace with my "Normal-ness".


Post script:

Monday: today's A Word A Day email was the word "maritorious", an adjective meaning 'excessively fond of one's husband'. I actually laughed out loud at my computer (and further cemented what I'm sure is a work cubicle farm reputation for being odd).