Internal Memo

To: Our Son
From: Your Parents

You're late.

Ahem. I mean: Son, Mommy and Daddy don't understand the choices you're making. I know it's warm and cozy in-utero, honey, but you're getting to be a big boy now and big boys don't stay in the womb forever, they come into the world to be with their families and make friends, and your father and I simply don't understand what is taking you SO long!!!

Ahem. I mean: Buddy, your Dad and I know that a due date is just an estimate, and we know that every child develops at their own pace. I don't expect you to be walking at 9 months old (although think of how much faster you'd get everywhere) and I don't expect you to be potty-trained at 18 months old (although think of how fabulous it'd be to not have a wet diaper against your bum) and I certainly don't expect you to date. Ever. Or until I want grandkids. Then I'll give you the green light on talking to girls, and then your father and I will screen contenders for an acceptable life mate, and then you can marry her, and then you can provide us with grandkids.

Ahem. I mean: We know you're going to grow and develop and learn at your own pace, and that we can't rush that. We're really just trying to understand your point of view here so we can meet on middle ground. Can you help us, buddy? From our point of view, we're thinking you must be cramped and running out of room in-utero, and probably really water-logged, and you've gotta be tired of being upside down and having all that blood rush to your head. And look, these are pictures of your room. Notice anything? You're not in them!!

Ahem. I mean: See? That entire crib is just for you! And don't worry, we'll be taking the bumpers out as soon as you get here and putting breathable bumpers on so you don't have to worry about smushing your face against the fluffy bumpers when you're too little to hold your head up. See how Mommy and Daddy are thinking about your safety?

And this is a cozy glider from Mommy's friend Marilee, who used it for her daughters. And they're happy and healthy and running around OUTSIDE Marilee's womb, and that couldn't have happened if they'd stayed inside, like you're doing.


Ahem. I mean: ...and see the blanket that Grandma Myrtle crocheted for you? And the puppy dog stuffed animal that Mommy's friend Leslie got you? A lot of people besides Mom & Dad are excited to meet you!



And WOW! The crib bedding even came with a matching valance! If that's not enough to make you want to come out and see it in person, we just don't know what we can say to motivate you...

Listen honey, the bottom line is this. Mommy and Daddy love you, and we really feel like we've waited patiently for you to get here. Remember when you were only a few months old and Daddy was saying "I just want my son to get here already!"? Well that was 6 months ago, and we went ahead and let you have that 6 months to finish growing your organs and limbs and now we really just feel like this extra few days you're taking is testing our patience.

Why don't you spend a little time (a very little time, please) thinking about the choices you're making and how they're affecting Mommy and Daddy, and then come out of the womb and be a part of this family in person. Ok?

Love,

Your parents