Motherhood

Photo by Mat Hayward/Woodland Park Zoo

My mom forwarded me an article about the baby lion cubs born last November at the Woodland Park Zoo. 

I want to hang this picture on my kids' walls and send them through life with this visual representation of my love for them. 

I saw this going differently in my head.

Merry Christmas from the Tottens!

Monkeys

So Gabe had these monkey pj's when he was around 1.  I liked them, so I bought another pair in a bigger size.  Now Abby fits into the original pair, and I have monkeys running loose in the house!

In the Picture

Sometimes I think it would just be easier if my posts were just links to other people's posts where they wrote something I agree with.  Here's one:

Allison Tate: The Mom Stays in the Picture

And then, in my post, I could just repeat the phrases from the article that resounded with me when I was reading it.  So it would be like we were reading it together and I was mm-hmm'ing' and oh, totally'ing and ohmygoodness that's so me'ing it while we read.

Like this:

"...I showed up...a bit late and, as usual, slightly askew from trying to dress myself and all my little people....  I felt awkward and tired and rumpled."  (ohmygoodness that's so me)

"When I see myself in pictures, it makes me wince."  (mm-hmm)

"...don't always have time to blow dry our hair, apply make-up, perhaps even bathe..." (oh, totally)

"People, including my children, don't see the way I make sure my kids' favorite stuffed animals are on their beds at night.  They don't know how I walk the grocery store aisles looking for treats that will thrill them for a special day."   (...actually, no need to keep typing, I would be quoting that whole paragraph!) 


This whole article made me sad and wistful.  The thing is, I'm the predominant picture-taker in the family.  I want pictures to remember these years by, pictures to post on the blog (ok peanut gallery, keep your comments about how I haven't been posting that often to yourself please), pictures for the calendars I've been making for the past few years for grandparents.  I want to be in the pictures too, but it feels somehow arrogant to ask someone else to take pictures so I can be in them.  ...Arrogant isn't really the right word; I can't really describe it.  What I want is to not have to be posed, to not feel like I'm putting the responsibility or burden of picture taking on someone else, but ultimately - what I want is for someone else to capture the picture the way I am seeing it, while allowing me to be in it - and oh yeah, make me look good in it too.  ha!


But the end of the article shifts the perspective to the pictures we have of our mothers.  And even though my mom also critiques her appearance in pictures, I only see that it is my mom.  I could care less how she looks in terms of hair/makeup/weight - she is just herself and I am far more interested in who she was and the story behind the picture. 

I see the one of her and my dad in some sort of tram, taken over the heads of a couple of boys (one of whom is my brother) while a baby (me) is being handed off from my dad to my mom.  It reminds me of a few months ago in July, when we went to Snoqualmie to the Day Out with Thomas event, and Gabe was so anxious to see Thomas that he said "I just want to see Thomas" every 15 seconds for the entire 25 minutes we were in line.  (you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not) 

And while Gabe was excited to see Thomas, we were excited to give him that experience:  to see his face light up when the train started moving, to get him his very own engineer's hat, to take our picture in front of the Thomas engine, to put pennies on the track for Thomas to flatten when he took the next group for their ride.  We don't normally do the "hoards of crowds" thing, so we were also quite proud of ourselves for braving the craziness on a Saturday because we knew Gabe would love it. 

So, I wonder...was the tram outing also a mini-triumph for my parents, getting two young kids out of the house after sorting out timing and naps and snacks for the day, etc?  Was my mom running on her umpteenth consecutive night of 6 hours of broken up sleep?  Before the picture was snapped, had my parents exchanged a look of exasperation that the baby was antsy and didn't want to stay put and had to keep being handed back and forth between parents?  In the picture, my parents are looking at something to the side of the picture taker - my dad in mid-sentence and my mom smiling.  She looks happy.  And I think about how even though the Thomas event was a bit stressful, and we had to wait in that line with a hungry baby and a curious toddler, and it was hot and crowded, I was so happy that we did that for Gabe, and so happy to have my husband and children.  That's what Gabe will see in this picture...not the things I start picking apart about my appearance.



After Abby was born, a photographer came around at the hospital and offered a free newborn photo session (I should have known that the catch was crazy expensive prices for the prints, and that I wouldn't be able to say no to buying them...ah well).  One of the pictures taken embodies for me the sentiments of the article:

I HATE how I look in that picture.  Hate that I had just showered and my hair was wet and stringy, hate my profile, hate my double chin, hate my pale freckly face.  But I LOVE this picture overall.  It looks like I am whispering in Abby's ear.  And she looks like she is listening intently.  For me, this picture is a mother's connection with her daughter, whispering wisdom in her ear - wisdom I don't fully have yet but is mine passed down from generations before and to be discovered as I continue to grow and learn as a mom - wisdom I hope to be able to whisper in her ear and model through my actions and teach through my words for the rest of her life.

So in the spirit of the article, I'm posting this picture that I HATE of me but LOVE of us, and I am inspired to be pesky and hand the camera off more often, asking at least to be in the picture - even if the photographer doesn't have a magic wand to always make me look good in it too!

Movie Night

Tonight was Gabe's first movie theater experience:  Finding Nemo in 3D!

Nemo is one of his current favorite stories (we "get" to tell it to him at bedtime every night lately), but we've purposefully been light on conversation about seeing the movie at the theater because we weren't sure when it would happen and because he's in a stage where everything gets repeated 3,627 times.  So rather than subject us to having to endlessly answer queries about when this blessed event would occur, we kept mostly quiet about it.

When it was decided that tonight would work to go see it, I asked Gabe if he wanted to go meet Daddy at the movie theater and see Nemo, and he then proceeded to say "This going be fun!" about 88 times between home and the theater.  But, it was so cute that I couldn't be too exasperated.  Plus I'm getting really good at responding after about the dozenth time with that vague "mm-hmm" that provides acknowledgement that I heard him but also allows me to multi-task and think about something else.  (that is until he switches things up on me and changes the question/statement, and I hear myself responding in the affirmative when I should be saying no...so far he has not figured out how to work this to his advantage but it's probably only a matter of time until he begins throwing in requests for cookies before dinner, etc.)

To those of you (all two of you!) who read this blog and keep bugging me to update it:

My apologies.  And this post won't be about anything either, so don't get excited.  I have a million pictures and a few events I really do want to post about, but now the thought of playing catch up is overwhelming, so if I ever do get a window of time (like now), instead of buckling down and updating, I find something else to do, like play Words With Friends, which I had heard about but then Paul told me that we should play a game so I signed up for it and now I'm involved in four games (oh the slippery slope) but I also rant and rave about it, as both Paul and Mandy have heard, because I think it lets you get away with ridiculous words that aren't even real and I find that really annoying - even when I'm winning (although I will admit that it's more annoying when I'm losing).  Paul and I are now playing a game old school Scrabble style where the words have to be "real" but the other day he played "glout" and I thought he meant "gloat" but it turns out "glout" is a word.  Who knew?  (well obviously Paul did) 

Here's some pictures.  Bret invented this game that Gabe used to call "up ky" when he was younger ('up sky'), where Gabe gets on his little car and Bret drives him/flies him around the room.  As you can see from the expression on Bret's face, he gets very into it (sound effects, up and down and tipping and turning).  As you can see from the expression on Gabe's face, he LOVES it (he looks a little crazed about it in that first picture).

So there you go.  This post should cover things for the next few months!

"Are you serious?"

...is what Gabe said to me this morning.

Followed by:  "C'mon, Mama.  Are you serious?"

Oh, man.

Easter Weekend

Saturday we went over to my folks' for lunch and an Easter Egg Hunt (capitalizing it makes it sound so official - but it was actually 7 adults watching Gabe look for eggs and giving him advice:  "Look up!  Look in the plant!  Look by the tree!" and me yelling at people to get their legs outta my picture because they were ruining my shot.  Honestly it's like I think I'm some sort of photo journalist the way I run around manically trying to capture the moment.  But I'm pretty sure that looking through all these pictures will keep me entertained in my twilight years, so that's what everyone needs to remember...me telling you that you're ruining my picture today is actually buying you some peace and quiet when I'm looking at those pictures in future tomorrows.  ["future tomorrows"?  does that even make sense?])

And now for a few of those pictures:



My dad and Gabe watched a bit of the Masters and shared some
commentary between them of the action. 





(Really, Christina?  Even for a holy day like Easter - God's
day, no less - you can't give me a normal expression??)



(...guess not).

Incidentally, see that haze over the bottom half of the picture that adds character and mood to the photo?  Are you just so impressed right now with my photography skills?  Are you thinking about commenting on this post and asking me for some tips on taking photos?  Are you wondering to yourself why I don't start a section of this blog soley related to photography tips, like every other "mommy-blogger" out there who has bought herself a DSLR camera?
Well I will save you the trouble of having to ask me:  it was windy and my hair blew in front of the lens.
I'm pretty sure I'm about to quit my job and start a photography business.





I realized later that I didn't take a single picture of my mom that day.  But I did take a picture of the sad little group of eggs we dyed; strange.


 I hadn't planned to dye eggs this year because I thought Gabe might not be very interested in it.  But then I was the grocery store and saw an egg dying kit for 99 cents - right next to kits for $5...FIVE BUCKS! - so I went ahead and got it.  Two eggs into the process, Gabe wanted to go back outside.  (patting self on back for buying the cheap kit)

Abby's dress was cute AND tasty.

(Gabe - are those your legs in my picture frame??  Uh-oh kiddo...guess who just lost himself a day off senile-Mommy duty when I'm 85...)

Laura, Scott, legs?  LEGS!!



This is one of my favorite pictures taken from the day - Gabe was so animated
when he would discover an egg!





On Easter Sunday we did round two of egg hunting.



Gabe was delighted with the discovery on Saturday that he
not only got to play the game of searching for eggs, but that
they had stickers and candy inside.  By Sunday he was shaking
them when he found them, confirming that there was loot inside.
Oh how quickly they learn!



We got a hand-me-down sleeper from a friend that makes Abby look like an Easter Egg.  perfect!

Looking awfully protective of her treasure

This one is from the week after Easter...but since there's no telling when I
might do another post, I figured I'd add it here!

Next Stop, Broadway

Tonight at dinner:

Abby has had her sweet potatoes and is done being trapped in her chair, so Bret holds her while Gabe and I finish eating. 

Bret sits Abby up on top of his head and asks Gabe, "Hey do I have a baby on my head?"  Gabe is eating and smiling looking at Abby on Bret's head but doesn't answer, so Bret turns to me and says "Babe, do I have a baby on my head?"

I look above Bret's head for a few seconds and say "Uh, no" and turn away.  Then a few seconds later I turn back and say "Oh, but you have an Abby on your head!"

Gabe starts laughing and says loudly "Mama, you funny!"



So obviously I am quitting my job and we are moving to Hollywood so I can be discovered!

"Mama, what yong?"

In our dining room a little while ago:

Gabe:  "Mama, cack!"   (Let me interpret:  "Mama, snack!")

Me:  "Ok, go get in your chair.  You can have the rest of your yogurt from breakfast."

Gabe:  "Fyacks?"  ("Flax?"  ...my mom started giving him flax on his yogurt a year (ish) ago and now he requests it whenever I suggest yogurt to eat.  In fact, he will eat a couple of the top bites of yogurt with the flax on it and then request more...Bret has started asking him if he wants yogurt with his meal of flax!)

Me:  "Yes, I'll put more flax on it."  So I go about getting him his yogurt/flax and then sit down at my laptop with him eating at one end of the table and Abby happily spitting up on her bib at  the other.  I decide that since I haven't been on Facebook for a while, I will log on and peruse through the 7 million comments about the snow.  (note - I underestimated, it was 8 million)  In the course of my Facebooking, I saw a comment from someone I went to junior high with and said aloud, "I'm friends with him? I didn't know that."  And then from his page I rabbit trailed to the page of someone else I was in band with in high school, and after looking through a few pictures and contemplating the strangeness of 20 years having passed since high school, I said aloud in a reflective manner:  "Wow.  Oh my gosh." 

Gabe's response:  "Mama, what yong?"  ("Mama, what's wrong?")

I tell ya...I really think God gave two-year-olds the capacity for extra adorableness to combat their penchant for tantrums and the desire to wage epic battles. 



Enjoying his "cack" of "yo-guut" and "fyacks"



Since he has a tendency to pose for pictures now with his eyes squinted
shut, I asked him to open his eyes for this shot...this is what I got!

Cautionary Tale

Tonight I was still inside Target at 10:55 pm.  I went out to run a couple of errands after the kids went to bed and since I was blissfully alone without an infant or a toddler to keep entertained, I was taking my time and pointlessly browsing the store.  You don't realize what a luxury pointless browsing is until you haven't done it in a while. 

Finally, at 10:57 pm I decided I should go up to the front to check out.  Being (for the most part) a rule-follower means that if I were to actually wait until they announced that it was 11:00 pm and the store was now closed before I went up front, I would feel both irresponsible for waiting until the last minute and anxious that they would tell me that they weren't going to allow me to buy anything since the store was now closed. 

As I'm walking toward the front, I hear someone say "Just to let you know, we're closing in a couple of minutes".  I turn, thinking they're talking to me and ready to reply that I'm headed out, when I hear someone say in response "I know - can you direct me to the baby section?  This is an emergency run...she can't find her blanket and she won't go to sleep without it.  I need one with a silky edge and it has to be big."

My first reaction was completely judgmental:  'Wow lady, your kid is WAY too attached to that blanket if you're making a trip to the store at 11:00 pm for a replacement.'

On the heels of my reaction was an echo of Gabe's voice in my mind, asking for his "bappie":   his blanket with minky dot fabric on one side that he likes to rub his face on.  His blanket that when he bumps against something or otherwise gets hurt, he immediately asks for and runs to get and then touches his blanket to the spot that's hurt as if it has magical healing powers.  His blanket that he faithfully hands to me first each morning before climbing into our bed to cuddle.

And then I realized:  'Wow lady, your kid is way too attached to that blanket.'

Because Bret told me last week that...

...he was having a bad day at work and checked our blog to look at pictures, but was disappointed that I hadn't posted anything new in a month.

So Babe, this post is for you:



Gabe showing off one of his "houses"

Our smiley 4 month old, growing up so fast!



Long-arm shot from Christmas Day.  I like this one
because the shirt you got me brings out my eyes.
Good job on the Christmas shopping!



But I think I like this one better because:
a) my head doesn't look so huge, and
b) you have a snowflake coming out of your head



Gabe diggin' his new Cars t-shirt. 



Damage to the roof after the New Year's Day windstorm, which you spent your holiday off work fixing.


So there you go...next time you have a bad day and come here looking for a boost to your spirits, remember that you have:

- an endlessly entertaining toddler who thinks you're the coolest thing ever

- a wife who laughs at your jokes (usually), doesn't mind losing ping pong games to you (sort of), and who thinks you're the bees knees (always!)

- an adorable baby girl who one day soon will consistently sleep through the night and stop spitting up (right????)

...and that you are the kind of guy who can fix his own roof after a windstorm.  Shazam!

Love you babe!

Mr. Gabe Head and Mrs. Abby Head

"No mas!"  When I first heard this Gabe-ism, my first thought was whether we'd watched any children's shows lately that taught Spanish.  I kept trying to figure out if the context of the situation made sense for him to be telling me "no more"...then I finally figured out that he was talking about his Mr. Potato Head's mustache.

Of course.  "No mas" = mustache

Don't know why I didn't catch that faster.  (???)

Gabe's favorite thing to do with his Mr. Potato Head ("Ho head" or "Ho-ho head") is to put the pieces on his own head.  This is a favorite look of Mr. Gabe Head's:

This morning while I was doing my hair, I had Abby in her seat in the bathroom doorway and Gabe was playing back and forth between his room and the hall.  At one point I looked down and saw this*:

Hilarious.

*this picture is a re-creation.  By the time I ran downstairs to get my phone to take a picture to send to Bret, Abby had de-mustached herself.  I tried to get Gabe to put it back on, but he had moved on to putting Mr. Potato Head's arm into the slot for his hat.  So, I had to try to capture Gabe's artistic flair on my own.  I have to say that I don't think I did it justice.

What Gabe Said

Yesterday Gabe and I went to the dentist, and Gabe got a new toothbrush which he saw sitting on the kitchen table this morning.  He got very excited ("Tees!" {teeth} "Open!") and I told him we could open it after breakfast.  Then I asked him what he wanted for breakfast.  His answer:  "Too-pace!" {toothpaste}  

Earlier this morning while I was feeding Abby, he was playing with his football and running around the living room falling down like he was being tackled and yelling "Ta-down!" {touchdown}  After one of them, he came up to me and very earnestly said "Heh-mut" {helmet} ...as in, apparently he needs to be wearing his bike helmet like football players have helmets.

I didn't even know he knew the words toothpaste and helmet...although I'm not sure why that surprises me since we use them and it seems like every day he comes out with a word or two (or three or four or ...) that I haven't heard him say before.

I Sure Love This Kid.

October Fest-ivities

...we made our now traditional family trip to the Corn Maze:


Our fearless leader!



Gabe has no time for a family picture, he's seen the exit!



These two are so cute I can hardly stand it!

Don't we all look strangely happy about getting lost in a bunch of corn?



The farm we went to also had a Trike Track with various John Deere trikes and bikes for the "kids" to ride on.


...and this year we got our pumpkins from Grandma and Grandpa's pumpkin farm!  My parents put a pumpkin patch in their lower backyard and got something like 20 pumpkins from it! 

Searching for the perfect pumpkin



Found it!




Gabe picking out Bret's pumpkin - doesn't it look like he's laughing because "Daddy's pumpkin is smaller than mine!" ?



We picked the white pumpkins for mine & Abby's


...and for Halloween, Gabe was a very unhappy elephant.  He did NOT want to wear his costume and whined the whole time I was getting him dressed and ready to go trick-or-treating with Bret.  Abby and I stayed home to pass out candy, and I was attempting to get a few pictures of her in her ballerina skirt when she decided to have a major diaper blowout all over herself and me.  Talk about an eventful evening! 



This is from the day we bought the costume and were trying it on to make sure it fit.  Gabe had the most dramatic slumped over posed the whole time I was trying to get a picture...apparently the idea of having to dress up to get candy is very emotionally taxing for a toddler.



But, of course, once he was back home in his sweats and looking at a pile of candy, all was once again right with the world!

Abby in her skirt when I bought it - didn't get any good pictures on  Halloween.