Dear Gabriel

Dear Gabriel:

I need your help!  I'm a new mom and I'm having trouble figuring out some of my baby son's behavior.  He whines when he eats his solid food - does he not like the taste or am I not feeding him fast enough?  He's stopped sleeping through the night - is he teething, or going through a growth spurt, or adjusting to our new routine because I've gone back to work?

Thanks,

Your Mother in Sultan, WA

That's right Gabe, this is your mother.  I want you to know that I'm very proud of you for having your own column, but you're still in trouble for getting a job without asking your father and I first.

Hi Mom!

Now that you know about my column, can I have my own laptop?  Haha, just kidding.  Unless you'd really let me have my own laptop??

Actually, they told us in our "first time baby/first time parents" class in heaven that our parents would have trouble correctly interpreting all of our behaviors and noises.  For a really long time.  

A really, really, really long time. 

But they assured us that our parents would be trying hard to figure us out, so our job was to keep communicating, even when we felt like giving up and just crying all the time.  

The funny part is (not ha-ha funny, ironic funny), even though I have superb command of the written word at this early stage of my life, we were also instructed in heaven not to inform our parents in writing of how we feel or what we're trying to say.

Trust me Mom, that direction was as frustrating and seemingly ridiculous to me as I'm sure it is to you.  But are YOU going to tell God that to His face?  Exactly.  Which is why all the babies in the class looked confused but just nodded in assent.  He went on to explain that parents and babies learning from each other using only the basics of communication (facial expressions and tone of vocalizations) is part of what seals the bond between them.  Makes complete sense!  And you thought God's directions were silly at first.  tsk tsk.  I know I am playing with fire by teasing you in my column...after all, you're the one with all the embarassing pictures of me.

You may wonder why I'm allowed to explain all the above but I'm not allowed to just write you a note about what I'm thinking or feeling when I whine or cry.  When I got your "Dear Gabriel" letter, I felt that printing and responding to it would be of value to all the new babies and new parents out there.  So I asked God about it and He said okay.  I don't think He's going to be thrilled about my teasing you - I think I'm dancing on the border of not honoring my mother and father a little here - but I know God has a sense of humor (have you seen how my hair's growing in?  He for sure has a sense of humor!) so I'm just going to go with it.

Mom, don't worry...we'll figure each other out.  You're doing a great job so far (I smile and laugh and I'm chubby...so obviously you're doing something right)!

Love you,

Gabriel

Dear Gabriel

Dear Gabriel:

I need your advice! Have you heard of this thing called "tummy time"? It's driving me crazy! My parents insist on putting me on my stomach for play time and all I have to show for it is a sore back, a crick in my neck, and tired elbows! I try to fuss and let them know that I'm not enjoying their "tummy time", but they just don't seem to get the point. How can I get them to understand?

Thanks,

Tummy Time Sucks in Hoboken, NJ



Hey Tummy Time!

Oh yeah, I've heard of tummy time and I agree, it sucks! Unfortunately, tummy time is an important activity and necessary so that we can learn advanced skills such as rolling over, crawling, sitting up, and someday even walking and running! Trust me, I am NOT a fan of tummy time, but I heard my Aunt Laura say that the most important thing she remembered from her Psychology classes was that people who don't crawl as babies can end up becoming psychopaths. Or something like that. Anyway, I looked up the word psychopath and it sounded bad so I'm keeping crawling on my list of things to do before I turn One, and tummy time is going to help me get there.

The real issue here is how to glean the benefits of tummy time while still letting your parents know that you call the shots. My approach is to spend the first few minutes of tummy time working my muscles (remember, lots of reps with lower weights will keep your muscles long and lean rather than bulking you up) and then after a few minutes I start whimpering. If my parents don't respond, I work up to a full cry until they pick me up or roll me over onto my back. And sometimes I like to continue whimpering for a while after they've picked me up or rolled me over, just to make sure my point is being made. Every few days (or so), I give them a little excitement by rolling from my tummy to my back once or twice - just so they can feel good about my progress. I have found that the above approach results in multiple, short tummy time sessions throughout the day rather than one or two longer marathon sessions. This seems to be providing the maximum benefit for building my muscles.

Now, you could certainly try an approach where you put up with the marathon workout and keep your discomfort to yourself, but keep in mind that you run the risk of your parents thinking you like the longer tummy time sessions, and not understanding that what you're really trying to achieve is a one-day-on, one-day-off workout schedule. You'll likely have to pitch a lot of loud crying fits on your desired off-days while your parents try to figure out what's wrong, and you'll have to endure them trouble-shooting a myriad of other solutions to stop your crying (i.e. pointless diaper changes, clothing changes, feeding you when you're not hungry, trying to make you sleep when you're not tired, etc etc).

The best advice I can give you during this time is to try not to get too frustrated, and to get support from friends that are sharing similar experiences trying to train their parents. If you know other babies around your same age - or even better, older babies that can encourage you that you WILL get through it - talk to them about their tummy time experiences. I have found that my stuffed animals are great listeners, and though they do not share my exact frustrations about tummy time, they understand what it's like to be unable to move of their own volition.

Below is a picture of me with Oly Font (the elephant on my left) and Rupert (the bear on my right). I apologize for the informality of my introduction of Rupert - he's never told me his last name.

Oly Font and Rupert are always supportive and there for me when the rigors of tummy time take their toll.


Hang in there - before you know it you'll be rolling over, sitting up and crawling on your own! Keep an eye on my column, because I'll be writing tips for crawlers in a few months, including strategies for making effective messes!

Until then, happy (as happy as it can be) tummy time!

- Gabriel

Dear Gabriel

Dear Gabriel:

I need your advice! When is the best time to poop and/or spit up?

Thanks,

Timing Confused in Las Vegas


Hey Confused in Las Vegas!

Thanks for writing in! I think your question and confusion is shared by many babies worldwide, and I think there's been a lot of different and mis-leading direction in years past. Previously, Miss Manners or Dear Abby would have probably told you that the appropriate time to poop is just before your next meal, so your parents can give you a fresh diaper that will last through your meal and your nap afterwards. I completely disagree! Your parents will change your diaper before you eat so that you have a fresh and clean diaper for maximum meal enjoyment, which is great. However, I like to then poop in the middle of or just before the end of my meal so that my mom & dad are required to change my diaper again before my nap or my post-meal playtime. This shows my parents that I'm now in charge of their schedules, which I sure don't want them to forget any time soon!

As for the spitting up...the perfect time to spit up is whenever your parents have provided you with a clean burp rag because they think you're not going to spit up anymore. Again, this is a training technique to keep your parents aware that you are now the center of their universe.

Finally, my general advice on this topic is that if you're in doubt about whether it's a good time to poop and/or spit up, then just go ahead and do it. The result can only be attention, which is always a great thing!

Happy biological functioning!


- Gabriel